Need to get off my chest

[wifeofaracer]

Hydroracing is such a wonderful sport for all family members just as long as it does not get in the way of other things. Don't forget racers about your wives/husbands, children, girlfriends/boyfriends. Do your races but make sure you spend quality time with those who love you. My children and I are the forgotten ones. We have followed my husband/dad around for many years of his racing career and have always been there on the side lines hooting for him. We have helped in getting him ready for his race weekend, helped him with his boat, getting it into the waters and out of the waters, running to get his gas, running to get his tools and whatever else it takes for him to race. But as the years went on the more involved he became that he spends no quality time with his family, never is there for us, does not help in the house, money is so tight as he pours more money into racing (bills not getting paid, barley any food on the table), the house falling apart because he has no time to fix things. Racing has become his family and his life. How sad this is as his family no longer wants to be around him.
I know many of you may not like what I wrote but hopefully there will be some of you out there that will take a step back and think are you one of these racers.

[sam]

IP resolves to Madison WI

[Hydroglobe17J]

Wife of a racer, I live by, but I am sad, "You come into this world alone and You leave a lone". You do bring up a very Good Point & a lot of us do ride the edge on this issue. However, I don't believe you are having a Boat Racing issue, perhaps counseling of some kind may help with any issues your family may have. First try the old sit down with the Husband and talk it out.
Good Luck & We are here for you!

[brian]

Well I hope we are second to hear this and you have talked about this to the racer. If the only time you talk about these issues is in battle mode because you noticed a bill was late... maybe for money or just absent minded and then tried to deal with it will only drive the wedge. Make time to talk about these issues in advance.. For example I am going to make dinner wed. night and after dinner I want to sit down and talk about our budget. Not sit down and talk about how you spend too much money. Money goes both ways and you would be surprised how much everyone spends. That $3.59 coffee twice a day and things like that. A 1800 coffee bill is just as bad as 3 props and new paint for a boat. If you do not have the money to race as a family so be it.

I made the mistake once of not listening to the tone of the, "No it is OK go racing that's fine". She was wrong and I was wrong and we both suffered.

It is ok to be second on a race day or when he is working in the shop but if you are never first take Hydroglobe17J's advice. I have never seen a relationship where every party is happy all of the time. Good luck... if you need help I will do what I can.

Note to all future boat racing wives: If you do not understand why your anniversary is in February or late October you may have a problem.

[ram95]

I don't care when you were born, WE are all members of THIS generation. It's too easy to say how it 'used to be'. We have to deal with what it is NOW. I have to admire a family that sticks together - we all do or should. But, a family that sticks together is not one that is 'held together' by the wife and kids OR the husband and... etc etc. Nope.. a family that 'sticks together' is one where each player somehow realizes that 'they alone' are not the only thing that counts. That realization occurs in subtle ways, almost un-recognized. I think those families are a rare occurence... but they happen. Whether it's playing the stock market, gambling at Foxwoods, buying lottery tickets, or antiques to sell... it is an activity which must be done responsibly, ie the "bills" must be paid. Ooops, did I forget to mention boat racing?

Before I get 'timed out' here, I want to say I value the traditional role of women in making up a family, but recognize that women have ambitions as strong as men. They are every bit as competitive. Parents job is to serve as examples to kids. Set a good example. If you can't afford to play the stock market... DON'T. If you can't afford to be a racer.... DON'T. Be responsible.

Alex

[Don Muncie]

I raced back in the late 70's and to the mid 80's. My dad told me I could race all I wanted as long as it was on MY pocketbook and it didn't get in the way of anything family. I was also raise on the rule of "vertical alignment" This is so important if one wants a happy life. It some times takes a back seat which it ot not to do and every time it does, problems arise, guaranteed. Anyone wanting a happy marriage, friends you would give your life for, less stress in a very stressful time, then please consider what virtical alignment teaches, put this list in the order of it's importance and watch your life change:

1) God first
2) Wife/Husband second
3) Your kids third
4) Your source of income forth
5) your friends fifth
6) You are number six.

It took me awhile to figure this out, but since I started doing this, life has gotten better and oddly enough, I do find quality time for me too. I won't promise you your lfe will be a "piece of cake", but but what you will find is when "life" happens, you will find some help along the way which makes taking lifes problems a bit easier. Some times being number six ain't fun, but when situations strike, I find 1, 3, and 5 are right there to help any way they can! 2 don't count here yet, ain't found one that can put up with me.

[Skoontz]

Early on, when we first began racing a few years ago, I could not help but notice the amount of racers who were divorced, single, etc in all age groups.

Later that year my wife started coming with us to the races and though it was not her cup of tea, she supports us....On the trade off, Region 12 has a Thanksgiving weekend race, and region 11 usually has a race over mothers day.

Though the temptation to participate in these events has been great, my wife calls the shots, and I do my part to grow our relationship first.
I for one feel holidays are for immediate family, and how you look at what that family may be is what determines how good your spousal relationship is, or is not.....

Though racing is fun, that s just what it is, and I would rather wake up every morning next to my wife, and have my daughter to enjoy each day, than sleep next to our boat and have a motor to talk to.

I waited a good part of my life to find my wife, and what she adds to our family is not replaceable by any water toys.

So, essentially, it's about priorities and perspectives. What is important to you that can never be replaced vs some wood, paint and metal that can be replaced with money and time......

[Hydroglobe17J]

Good Stuff Guys, Thank You!

[acr924]

My dad told me I could race all I wanted as long as it was on MY pocketbook and it didn't get in the way of anything family.

Wife of a racer, I'm sorry you feel that you're being put second to boatracing...but I'm still trying to figure out why Don Munchie has a pocketbook.

In all seriousness, I'm really sorry you feel that way. I can't say I know how it feels because I don't. My family has been racing for 3 generations. And it's not just my immediate family. Every time I go to a race, I see aunts, uncles, cousins, my grandpa and even a sister that I would barely see otherwise. I'm not married, but the entire side of my father's family races. If it weren't for boatracing, I'd probably never see my family. Not because that's the only thing we're focused on, but because we're all busy and have our own lives.
Our "quality time" together takes place at the races.
I'm not saying that you're at fault here by any means. But I don't think the sport is to blame either.
You ought to take a weekend to yourself when your hubby goes racing. Don't feel obligated to go with him. There's plenty of people to help him pit. If racing isn't your thing, go out and have a martini with the girls or go bowling or have a tupperwear party or whatever it is you like to do.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck!

Allie Runne

p.s. Below is the only picture of the entire 3 generations of Runne's in existence. (Taken at Lock Haven, PA) Just proof that this is a family sport.

[mdaspit]

Running Thru The Jungle

Seems to me that wife of a racer has it figured out pretty well.
She says that racing is a great family sport, and she and the kids have been very supportive, running for tools, fuel, and hooting for dad....

Guys have a DNA problem. We have the ability to tune everything out and give intense focus to one thing. That was really helpful when we were running thru the jungle barefoot and chasing down a Gazelle to eat, but even then, we drug it back to the cave to feed everyone.

This post from Wife Of A Racer has had me thinking for a couple of days now.

Sometimes things get off track, and stay that way for too long, the longer it goes that way the harder it becomes to get it back. And then we accept it as... the way things are, and the way they will always be... Not true.


Wife Of A Racer-

Sometimes it takes help from someone to get it back on track, and that may not be as hard to do as you think.

Thank you for posting your story, because now when the only thing I can see is that Gazelle, I will try to remember to put things back into their proper perspective.